How Husbands and Wives can STAY IN LOVE

How Husbands and Wives can STAY IN LOVE

God’s Gift of Oneness –

In Genesis 2:7-25, the Bible declares God’s design and purpose for the relationship called marriage.

• • God formed man out of the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the very breath of life, and man became a living soul.
  • God said it was not good for man to be alone; that He would make a helpmate for him. The word “alone” means without a life-partner. The word “helpmate” means “of the same kind, but different, in order to complement or complete the other – like the two blades of a pair of scissors.
  • But first, God created every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and He allowed Adam to name them.
  • Then God caused Adam to go into a deep sleep while He removed one of his ribs, and made into a “woman,” which means “out of man.”
  • When Adam woke up and saw the woman, he saw she was different from all the other creatures God had made; she was bone of his bone, and flesh of his flesh – of the same kind, but different.
  • God said: “Therefore, shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cling to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

God designed the marriage relationship to meet our need of human companionship, and to serve as an example of the oneness He desires to have with us.  While the major reasons listed for divorce include infidelity, domestic violence, financial issues, and substance abuse, the root cause behind all the surface issues was that lack of companionship; that lack of:

• • Oneness of the Spirit – having the same concept of God
  • Oneness of the mind – having the same values of life
  • Oneness of the heart – having the same level of love for one another
  • Oneness of the body – the physical celebration of all the above

That’s why, in Matthew 19:4-6, Jesus added this phrase to what God the Father had said in Genesis 2:7-25. “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”  The root cause of divorce is “aloneness,” the very reason God gave us the relationship of marriage. Why? Because we have allowed all of the “other beasts of the field and birds of the air,” to become more important to us than our life-mates. We have allowed our jobs, our goals for the future, our hobbies and extra-curricular activities; even our children to “separate” us from the very ones with whom we said we wanted to spend the rest of our lives.

Getting married is easy – staying married is the hardest work we will ever do, which is why fewer people are getting married. While they want the companionship of a marriage, they aren’t willing to work for the oneness of marriage God designed the relationship to provide. They aren’t willing to make that commitment to build that oneness according to God’s plan.

Over the years, Linda and I have found these eleven tools to be helpful in maintaining the oneness in our marriage.

• • REVEAL your love to each other. Verbally tell each other, even several times a day, how much you love them. Be creative in expressing those three precious words, “I love you!” Visually show your love for each other. A goodbye kiss, a hello kiss, holding hands during the blessing, sitting close to each other, and just looking at each other can help build that oneness between you. One day, you will not be able to express it.
  • REMIND yourself daily of your goal to build oneness in your marriage, regardless of the cost. Your life-mate is your first priority, even above your job, or your children. Sooner than you think, your working days will be over, your children will be gone, and you will be left with your marriage relationship. Build that oneness between you today so you can have something to celebrate later.
  • RESERVE your affection for each other. Flee from the temptation to even look at another man or woman, regardless how alluring they try to present themselves. While no one can prevent their spouse from being tempted, a well-loved mate has a good reason NOT to want to look elsewhere.
  • REARRANGE your schedule to always include each other. Make sure both are included in all vacations, business trips, outings, hobbies, and other special events. Men’s night out, or women’s night out might be appealing, but they also could become enticing. If your goal is to build oneness in your marriage, your life-mate needs to know, no matter the event, it won’t be as much fun without them.
  • REMEMBER them each day when you are away. Of course, there will be times when husbands and wives have to go places and do things apart from each other: jobs, responsibilities to parents, mom’s day with the girls, and dad’s day with the boys. However, a call, or a card not only helps our life-mate know our minds are upon them, but is also fills that gap that Satan can use to draw our attention to others.
  • REFRAIN from criticism of each other. There will always be those who will criticize us, or our life-mates, and we need to shield them from as much of this as possible. This also includes information about each other from family or friends. If the two of you are of “one mind,” then both of you need to hear whatever is said about the other.
  • RESERVE some special time for the two of you. Set aside a few minutes each day to be alone with one another. Don’t use the time to talk about problems, jobs, children, family, etc., just concentrate on your love for one another and how God has blessed you with each other. Set aside one evening a week to do the same thing, and then, if possible, set aside one night per month to celebrate your marriage. Perhaps you can work this out with another couple regarding childcare.
  • RESPECT the strengths and weaknesses of each other. Even though you are becoming “one” in the Spirit, mind, heart, and body, God has gifted each one of you differently – not to “compete” with one another, but to “complete” the other. Thank God for those differences, for without them, you may not have been attracted to each other at all.
  • RESOLVE any conflict quickly. The Bible says to not let the sun go down on our anger. There will be differences of opinions, serious misunderstandings, unintended offenses, and even intended personal attacks upon the other. Satan wants to use those issues to divide the oneness and destroy the marriage. God wants to use those issues to bond the oneness and unite the marriage relationship upon Him. In other words, even when we cannot agree in mind, heart, or body, we can still remain one in Him.
  • REJOICE in the Lord together. Read the Bible together. Pray together. Sing together! Of course, include the children of all ages in this daily time of worship, and start it when they are babies, so the pattern will be set, just as mealtimes and bedtimes.
  • REMEMBER the Lord’s Day and keep it holy. This should begin with a time of corporate worship with the family of God. Again, include your children in this time of worship, for as they observe the two of you reading the Bible together, singing together, and praying together, they will see the power of the One who brought you together, and the only power that will keep you together.

cc. Mature Ministries, Inc. 1993

Join us next week as we focus on “HOW CAN I Know the Will of God?“.